Enduring marriages are not made from Mars! Catch the little foxes that destroy the tender grapes!
[Song of Solomon 2:15 KJV] “Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes”.
Praise the Lord, today is exactly 15 years since Sandra and I got married. I remember this day like yesterday. It was a cloudy Sunday and we got blessed in a simple ceremony in a Pentecostal church in Ghana. Looking back now I can say that it has been by grace all these years. I will not pretend that I am a good husband; neither would I say I married a perfect bride; it has been by grace. God has been good.
I pray for all suitors trusting God to find a companion. I pray that you will not make a mistake in choosing. I pray for a couple that may be struggling or facing divorce; I know the struggle is real but God is good all the time. He will not put you to shame!
I want to, however, exhort you on catching the little foxes that destroy the vine of marriages. Marriages don’t just fail; they do because sometimes we allow little foxes to plague it. There are little foxes all around us seeking to destroy your beautiful relationship with your spouse. I pray for both the wisdom and grace for you to take them and keep them from destroying your love. We want to discuss some of the many reasons why marriages fail. I believe that understanding some of these reasons will change a lot about your own approach to life.
1. Marriages fail because the couple ignores the word of God, and focus on chemistry and love:
Honestly, in the name of chemistry and love, many young suitors ignore the common sense of Scripture. Samson was badly hurt in his love life because he focussed on his love for the Philistine woman rather than the truth of Scripture. The Bible never said that loving each other will make your marriage work. Besides, what many of us call love is attachment, and infatuations and lust. What makes marriages work is a woman who submits to her husband, and a man who loves his wife.
Remember that most divorced couples once loved each other. Marriage is often about commitment and not necessarily about love and lust. I pray that wives will submit to their own husbands as a service to the Lord; and husbands will love their wives as Christ loved the church, Amen!
2. Marriages fail because most husbands lack common sense skills:
The Bible admonishes husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge. Without that common sense approach to dealing with your wife, the marriage will fail. Most often than not the young bride you married grows by the day. It is, therefore, important to grow in knowledge to find a better way to approach loving her. Men ought to dwell with their wives according to knowledge. I am not a perfect husband, but living with your wife according to knowledge will really change a lot of things.
3. Marriages fail because most husbands cannot lead a Bible study:
This reason may sound funny but it’s real. The truth is, nobody married a perfect bride, so every husband must wash his bride with the water of the word of God constantly. The Bible says “husbands, wash your wives with the water of the word.” Every husband must develop skills in admonishing and exhorting his bride with the truth of Scripture. Husbands must possess the skills to lead their wives in life-changing Bible studies.
4. Marriages fail because the young woman lacks basic skills:
Marriages fail if the young bride lacks the basic skills of being sober, discreet, chaste, and good. Every wife must develop the skills of their own husbands and children, being keepers at home, and being obedient to their own husbands. (Titus 2:4-5)
5. Marriages fail most young men are neither sober nor a pattern of good works:
The Bible exhorts all young men to be “sober minded and in all things shew themselves as a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you” (Titus 2:6-8)
6. Marriages fail because the couples deny each other due benevolence:
Sometimes, the wife denies the husband the privilege of sex but sometimes too it is the husband who denies his wife the privilege of pleasure. Itis important to understand that for most men sex is sex, but for a woman, sex is not just sex. For a woman, if it must be done, then it must be done well. I’m not saying that you should kill yourself trying to impress anyone, just flow naturally. Don’t ignore the eight-letter word that can change everything: FOREPLAY!
7. Marriages fail because the couples cheat:
Cheating is not just about sexual or physical contact. There are times when couples are emotionally disconnected and constantly fantasize about other people and things. If you can set your spouse as your sole joy and be charmed by the beast of your wife; things may work out.
8. Marriages fail because most suitors married the one who was ready, and not the one they really wanted:
This is interesting! I have grown to find out that most people just married the person who was available and ready, and not necessarily the person they truly wanted to marry. There are times when the person I truly want is engaged to someone else, so I married the single person who came along while still fantasizing about my true love.
9. Marriages fail because most couples are careless and carefree:
Most couples ignore the body; they don’t exercise, they don’t bathe, they don’t eat well, they are just there, and then things get out of hand. Please we married the person but we become one flesh; take care of the flesh. We must both be committed to work hard and work at improving our relationship.
With these few words be admonished. I pray for grace to continue.
Stay blessed, I love you!
Pastor Noah Simpe Bediako
